Suggested Grade/Age Range: Grades 7-8

Activity Objective: The objective of this activity is to explore unequal power dynamics and coercive tactics used in unhealthy relationships.

Materials Required:

Small slips of paper

Prep Time: 5 minutes

Gather materials

Task Time: 40 minutes 

Activity Description:

1.       Give each individual a slip of paper and ask them to write down their favourite food item that they would like to eat right now. If they cannot think of a food item, have them write down an activity they really want to do or a goal they are working towards. The key is to make sure whatever they are writing down is something they really want

2.       Once all individuals have finished writing down the item, have them get into pairs and then exchange their slips of paper with one another so their partner has the thing that they really want

3.       Tell the pairs that they each have 10 minutes to be in the role of “persuader” and they are encouraged to be creative to get their partners to give them back their slip of paper. After 10 minutes, have the partners switch roles so the other individual becomes the “persuader”

Remind the class that this activity is a role play and  will require some creativity and imagination. Even though they may not want the slip of paper, they are to pretend that it is the actual item they are trying to get

4.       Once both partners had a chance to go, gather the whole class for a discussion:

• What were some of the strategies you used to try and get your slip of paper back? (e.g., making promises, peer pressure, bribes, threats, guilt-tripping, using persuasive arguments, etc.)
• Did any of the strategies used feel coercive or manipulative? Which ones and why?

·         E.g., they may have made the other individual feel uncomfortable, pressured, or manipulated; the tone may have been disrespectful; there may have been no compromise or open communication, etc.

• How did it feel to receive the “persuasion”? Was it easy or hard to say no?

·         Did the individual feel pressured or uncomfortable? Were they easily persuaded? Did they feel skeptical?

·         Did they in return make demands or requests to the persuader since they have what the persuader wants?

• How did they persuader feel when the individual refused? Did you want to keep trying or to give up?

·         Did the persuader feel pressured to do what their partner asked/requested to get their item back?

5.       Explain to the class that, as they have experienced in the role play, there are healthy and unhealthy ways of communication and this often plays out in different types of relationships

• When the power dynamics are unequal in a relationship, one individual may feel restricted and pressured, intimidated or threatened to do what the other says
• Bribing, using pressure or threats, guilt-tripping, etc. are all unhealthy forms of communication. In the context of these scenarios, they can be used both by the persuader to try to get their item back and by the individual who has the item (a.k.a. holding the power)

6.       Ask the class, “how can you respond in a healthier way to coercive or manipulative forms of communication?” and have them brainstorm with the person next to them and then offer answers

• If the relationship is safe enough, communicate openly and negotiate a compromise
• Say no directly if it feels safe enough to do so
• Have support put in place to get out of a situation (e.g., you know you will be pressured to drink at a party with older youth, make a plan with a trusted adult beforehand around picking you up right away if you called)
• Get help from a trusted adult

o   Sometimes, it may not be safe to say no in a situation. Do not blame yourself and get help as soon as you can when you are no longer in the situation

7.       Emphasize to the class that in unhealthy relationships, coercive and manipulative forms of communication are often used and there is an unequal power dynamic. These dynamics are often complex and difficult to get out of. Individuals need to listen to their intuition and pay attention to when they are not feeling safe in a situation so that they can respond accordingly (e.g., see Step 6).

Activity Extensions:

Have small groups create role play scenarios depicting coercive and/or manipulative forms of communication and have them act this out and then have the class give feedback on healthy ways of responding

Additional Comments:

Instead of slips of paper, a snack (e.g., Timbits) or any other item can be used